Even Shittier Pastas I Wrote

SPONGEBOB YUMMER LOST EPISODE

So you know Yummer, the infamous face tah was found in a Sponebob flash game for children. The develpers of the game sayd that the face was mad as a blendr projkt and becme an indied joke among them.

Well, you wilbe surpised to kno that isnt true. Yummer goes far far back, farther than when the flash game was ever created.

Stephen Hillenburg (may he rest in peace) originally crated the character as a recurring monster character that was a mutationed human from the bikini atol nucler testing. But the only episode he ever appeared in the was considered too scary for childern.

I used to be an internet at nickelodeon studios back when the show as first created. It was the usual boring stoff just rbinging coffeto to other animators adns tuff liket hat. But hnt they made the third episodr of the show iw as invited to coem and watch it because i was friends with oen ofht the peopel who worked ont it.

The episdoe was siplty titles “Yummer” and the title card was black with thin red text and scary music.

T oped up on a normal day in bikini bototn with spongob and patrick playing a game of bubble blownig. Oenf othte bubbled flew away and patrick chased it. He chased it into a scary area with thick green fog everywhere and shadowyy stuff.

Then all of the suddens he heard a voice say “YUM YUM! YUM YUM!”

Patrick turned around and saw him, YUmmer standing there and drooling everywhere and ghanshing his teeth and screaming “YUM YUM! YUM YUM!”

Yumemr than lunge at Oartirck and he screamed and it cut bak to spongebo.

Spongbob said “i wonder where partirk is he hasnt come back fom chasing the bule.”

And squod wird said “he is probably dead because he is stupid and probably got himself killed.”

Spongeob sid “i better go and fin him he is probably in toruble.”

Spogneob followed patricks fotsetpes. And found him with hsi head chomped off and blood oozing out of hsi torn neck.

Iwas shockesd and almost thre up.

Spngedbob said “no patrick my best friend what happned to you?”

Then spognebob heard the voice “YUM YUM! YUM YUM!” and turned around and saw Yummer. Spongebob creamed and ran away all the way to the krust krab and up to mr krabs and said “mt krabs i saw a horrible creature in the spooky cove and he ate patricks head”

Mt kras said “me boy what di it lok like?”

Spongoebo said “it as peachy clored and had no nose and bi bulging eyes and a big teeth adn was yelling YUM YUM! YUM YUM!”

Mr krabs screamed as said “ME BOY THAT BE THE YUMMER adn you probably lead him here and he is gpign to kiled us all you are fired.”

Spogneob started crying and said “I dont watn to be killed by the yummer what can we do?”

M krabs slapped spongbeob hard enough to where he got a black eye and said “shut the fuck you idiot and go and get my gun and bmeet me out back.”

The bubble transition playe and Spongobeb and mr krab waere out bak and mt krab was holding a gun he said “keep watch boy the yumer could be here any minute”

The nall pf the sunden thet heard the sceaming “YUM YUM! YUM YUM!” and tyummer was there. Mr krabs tried to shoot him btu the bullets just bounded off and yummer leabed onto mr kras and tore hm arm off and ate it. Mr krab fainted and ther was blood everywhere and hen yummer tore off his other arm and at that one toto.

Spogneob scremaed and wneto mt krab and said “mr krab wake up” but mt krabs was the dead.

I leaned over in tmy seat and thre wup all over the flor.

Yummer than yellowed “YUM YUM! YUM YUM!” and tried to go for spogebob but he rantin to he kicthn and baradcaded the door. Yummer was banigng the door and still yelling “YUM YUM! YUM YuM!”

Spogneob yelled out “if you are to hungry why dont you have a krappy patty?”

Yummer stoped bangign th te door and said “yum yum” and spongeib made a krabby paty and gave it t yummer. Yummer aite it and said “yum yum” and went int othe kitchen and spigebob made him mroe kraby patys and yummer ate them all.

But then s psogne said “therare not more krabby pattyeis you ate them all”

Yummer got angry and yelled out “YUM YUM” and wnt into the dining area and started eating all the fish. He grabbed them and ripped heir heads off and cherwd when as blood dribbled from his mouth and blood spurtin from the fish necks. All the fsh were dead.

I threw up again.

Spogeobb said “no dont those are my friends”

But yummer didn ot listen and went outside and ran towards sandys hsoue. He borked open the dome and grabbed sandy and smadhes her suit on the ground, drowning her, then he chewed her up and blood continued to dribbled from his moth.

Yumemr then went on a completer rampage smashing up the city and eating fish alive with blood and fish guts flying everywhere. The whole time screaming “YUM YUM! YUM YUM!”

Spogeob was powerless to stop him and layed down the middle of the streed and cried.

Then yummer came up to him adn yelled “YUM YUM” nd picekd up spongbob and went ot eat him but right before he could sonbob woke up in his bed screaming “no no not the yummer”

Gary said “meow” and spongeob realized that it was all just a dream. He called patrick and sid “i just had the worst dream about the yummer.”

Patrick said “oh pongebob the yummer isnt real”

Spongeob hung up the phone and went bak to bed and the camera panend to sponebobs window and yummer wa there looking in the window and he looked at hte camera and whispered “yum yum”

Then the episode ended.

We wer all shocked and one of the nick excutieves said “we cant show this on the network it is too scary for kids”

Then another said “we have to lock this episode up so that nobody can find it.”

Then they took the tape out fo hte vcr and went away.

Stephen was angry that he couldnt show the episode on the air but he understood that it was too scary and we made another episode usntead. Later i saw him leaving with the tape of the episode.

I havent sinced worked at any animation company but when i heard about the yummer being in spengeob saves the day i was shocked. I dont know who put it there but it must have been someone who didnt want yummers legacey to die.

But be warend about the true origns of yummer. He is not what you think.

GTA ONLINE SPOOKY FUNTIME HORROR

It was a normal day i was playing gta online and decided to try to geta solo public srvfer. To i went to look up how to do it, i tested the nat type and it took a but but i finally got the dolo public sevrver.

I went and drove around at hit a lunch of pedestirans and ran away from the cops and shot them a unch of times and it eas great fun. I even b,ew up a helecopter.

But them something was wrong it got dark and the normal day night cycle did not ckntiue. I thiught “huh thats weird?” But i kept playing.

But them the sky turned red and it started to rain blood. And body parts from the sky. Then the entire city of los santos was on fire and everyone was screaming and getting hiper realistec burning and wounds. I said “oh no” and tried to turn off my xbox but it wouldnt turn off.

Them i looked behind me and i saw another user and his name was 666otuatfehtdnarg666 and his character was trevor but he was inverted color and bleeing fromthe eyes. He pukked out a rocket launcher and shot me and i exploded hyper realitic way and when i respawned i was in an unknown area and my bidy was covered in hyoer reakistic bleeding wounds and burns.

Then thr trevor guy came back and he said througn voice chat jn a deminic voice “its time ti play a game” and he pulled out a knife and began to slowly cut up my character. My character was screaming hyoer realistsicly and bleeding al,over the place.

Then i was disco nected and the screen said “alert your character is dead” and my xbox turned off. I tried to play gta online again but then only message i got was “alert you are banned forever goodbye thank you for olaying gta online”

And then i went to bed and when i woke up it was dark and the sky was red and raining blood and body parts and the real trevor was standing outside my house with a knife and he broke in but i ran away to my friends hosue and i cried to my friend and told him what happened and he comforted me and we went to bed.

The next morning the coos came to my firnendhouse and said “your parents are dead and we cannot find the killer!” And i said”oh no”

They took me to a foster home and i have never olayed and grand theft auto game since because i am too scared.

The end.

STEVEN UNIVERSE: KILL THE LIGHT

This is not just a story but also a worning.

I love th show Steven Universe. It has been my favrit show sicne i saw the first episoed. I played Atack the Light hen it first cam out on mobie and was ecited to lern that a seekwel was coming out. So i bought a playstation so i could play it. howevr i did not have enough montye at the time to actualyl buy it. So i hust watehc playthoruh os youtube.

then one day at gemestop i saw a used dics copy of Save the Light and i thoguth “That’s cool i didnt know that they hada physical disd to buy.” so i bought it and took it home.

But when i tiok outh the disk is was showing Steve he was sad and th title didnt say Sabe the Light it said Kill the Light.

I thoguht it was just a joke by whoever oenwd it befoe. So i out it into my playsation but it said “ERROR” then i got mad an kicked my plastatuo and it started to work. The title scren was just black with red tet the said Kill the Light. I started the game and it ipened up way int he bmiddle of the game. eveything was dark and destroyed and there was blood in a puddle on the gourng under steven and thats when i noticed that steven had been stabbed in the stomach was bleding. I made him walk around nad he moved very slowly and looked to be in pain and a train of blood followed him.

Then i came up to the outside of his house but he didn not want to go in but i kept pushing my stik in the direction of the house and he finally gave up and ent insied. Inside wer all the gems shatered on the gorund and peridot was sitting in the middle of it all and crying. I started to cry too because peridot it my fvorite characer and i felt so bad forher.

I made steven go up to her to try to mabe comfort her and she just said “They’re all goen and now they’re going to get us too.” Steven said “no they won’t i will protect you.”

Then peridot started following steven and i got a pront that said “go to the barn you will be safe there.”

So i led them to the barn and they hid inside. Then they scrrne faded out and said “several weeks later.” and it faded back in and steven was dead and i was controlling peridot.

Then i got another promt that said “run” and ther was benign o nthe barn. I folowed the arrow and peridot ran into the woods and the woods were coverd with the dead corpses of the resitend of beach sity.

I made peridot run intl she tripped and ell and she laidthere crying until the screne cut out and said “game over”

I started crying again dn i took the disk out and threw it out my window. Iwent to my bed an cried and cried until i fell saleep.

Wen i woke up i figured i would watch a episode of steven unierse to calm down and forget about the game.

But when i turned on the episdoe everytime preidot appeared she loked sad. Then the epsidoe sudently cut out and ther was steven but he was a skeleton. He was wearing a blue hoodie and black shorts and pink slippers. He turned around and looked at the screen with his one glowing blue eye.

Then.

Very slowly.

He pulled out a trombone.

IF YOU DIE IN THE GAME, YOU DIE FOR REAL: A ROBLOX CREEPYPASTA

One night, I was playing roblox.

It was midnight, I should have been in bed, but it was summer and I didn’t care.

I was browsing through some servers, when I found one that had been uploaded only a second ago. It was called: EXTREME CRAZY OBBY: DO NOT PLAY. The creator was Player: Null.

I clicked on it to play it. I was an obby expert, I could beat this no matter how hard it probably was. Upon loading, I was met with a huge sign saying:

I WARNED YOU, I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAY, NOW YOU’LL HAVE TO PAY. THIS OBBY IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT, EXTENSIVE TESTING HAS BEEN DONE TO CONFRIM HOW OBCENELY DIFFICULT THIS OBBY IS. YOU CAN TRY AND BEAT THIS OBBY, BUT THERE IS ONLY ONE RULE: DO NOT DIE. IF YOU DIE, YOU WILL DIE FOR REAL.

I was scared. But I knew that these things were usually not true, so I was t that scared. I pressed okay and it took me to the begining of the obby. As soon as I loaded in, several other players also loaded in.

One player started but failed to make the first jump, he fell and died, but instead of the normal roblox death sound, it was an actual scream. The rest of us started, and we were doing pretty good, but then another player fell and died. Another scream played, but this time it was different, it was a girl’s scream. But we pressed on. Another three players fell and died all at once, and each of their screams where also unique.

That’s when I figured it out that the sign was telling the truth!

Those screams were the players, who had actually died!

I didn’t know what to do, I tried to close out of the game, but it wouldn’t let me, all I got was an error message saying: YOU CHOSE YOUR FATE, EITHER FINISH THE OBBY OR YOURE ENTIRE COMPUTER WILL BE DESTROYED FROM THE INSIDE OUT. REMEMBER NOT TO DIE.

I had no choice.

I had to finish.

I kept on, and by the time I was at the last stage, I was the only one left. I was sobbing, tears and snot running down my face, grieving for these players that I did not know.

But, right before I could touch the finish line, I was whisked away into an all black room. My character was sitting tied to a chair with a bag over its head. Then the creator of the obby appeared behind it. The creator pulled out a bug knife and stabbed it into my character’s arm. Instantly I felt an intense pain in my arm, I grabbed it and it was wet and sticky, I was bleeding! Then the creator stabbed it into my leg, then my stomach.

YOU IDIOT. The creator said. YOU ABSOLUTE FOOL.

I cried out weakly: No, stop!

But the creator just laughed.

As I began to pass out, I saw the creator holding the knife up to my character’s neck. Then there was a huge figure that burst into my room and smashed my computer with a baseball bat.

When I woke up, I was in the hospital. My older brother was next to me.

I saw you were playing that obby. He said. I had to do something before you were killed.

To this day, I have never touched roblox ever again.

FAMILY GUY: TRUE DEATH OF BRIAN

🚨🚨WARNING. THIS STORY IS NOT FOR PEOPLE UNDER THE AGE OF 15, IT IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SCARY THAT YOU WILL SHIT YOUR PANTS.🚨🚨

Many people remember the infamous Family Guy episode where Brian gets hit by a car and dies. It was very sad and when me and my mom watched it we cried because Brian was our favorite character. Then they replaced him with that other dog, Vinny, who we didn’t like at all. Then they fixed it with the Christmas episode and brought Brian back!

I go out of my way to avoid watching that episode and any episode with Vinny in it because I hate those episodes so much.

But one night I was super tired from soccer practice so I fell asleep while watching adult swim. When I woke up an episode of American Dad was just wrapping up. I was about to turn off my TV and go back to sleep when an adult swim bumper showed up saying that they got a hold of a special never before seen on TV episode of Family Guy. I was excited. I hoped that it was Partial Terms of Endearment, the episode where Lois offers to be a surrogate for a friend and then she and Peter have a fight about the morality of abortion when the friend and her husband die.

So I sat right up in my bed and prepared to watch the episode, not caring that it was a school night.

Boy, do I regret that decision.

The episode opened up with the title song but something was wrong, nobody appeared. Nobody was singing and it was just the music. I thought it was just a funny joke. Then the episode started but I noticed something right away, this was just the episode where Brian dies. I was so pissed and went to turn off my TV when something happened. Brian went really quiet and stared at the floor for about two minutes, just in complete silence. He said he had to go do something and went into his car and drove to the bank. He went to his security deposit box and took out his gun and his bottle of booze and drove to a remote location. Then he sat on the hood of his car and drank while staring out at the horizon. Sad music began to play and clips of happy moments from Brian’s life were overlaid. He then decided to put away the booze and threw the gun off of a cliff.

He began to drive home but he was kind of drunk from the booze and didn’t see Stewie setting up the hockey goal. It went into slow motion as Brian realized what was about to happen but it was too late. Brian ran over Stewie and killed him in horrific detail. Stewie’s neck did a full 180 and blood shot from his mouth as he went flying about 10 or 20 feet. Stewie landed face first into the pavement and slid about another 10 feet, his face dragging along and getting more and more mangled and bloody. He laid there for about 5 minutes before Brain got out of the car and started freaking out. Lois and Peter came out to see what happened and started freaking out too.

“Brian!” Lois yelled. “Why would you do this? Why would you do this to my baby?”

“It was an accident!” Brian said.

“Leave!” Lois continued to yell and cry. “Leave now and never come back, you aren’t welcome here any more!”

Brian began to slowly walk to his car as Joe and Quagmire stared at him disapprovingly. Brain drove off and began to cry.

“I just killed my best friend!” Brian screamed. “I’m a monster, a horrible monster!”

He drove to a bridge and got out of his car and jumped off of the bridge. He hit a passing car and went flying as blood shot out from his mouth, then landed onto another passing car and blood shot from his nose, then another as blood shot from his eyes. He finally landed onto the road and you could hear a big truck coming. He looked right into the camera and said.

“I deserve this.”

Then the big truck ran him over and squashed him between its wheels. You could see parts of him being smooshed and scattered all over the road. It was horrifying. I was bawling like a little baby and hugging my blanket close to me.

Then Brian came back as a ghost and Death was there.

“You shouldn’t have done that.” Death said. And he took Brian to a hospital where Stewie was laying in a bed and hooked up to a bunch of machines. He still was all bloody and mangled from the accident. He woke up and looked over at Lois and Peter who were next to him.

“Where’s Brian?” He asked.

“He’s gone.” Lois said angrily. “He’s gone and he’s never going to come back.”

Stewie then looked extremely sad, he reached over and unplugged his life support and died instantly.

Lois began to cry again and screamed “This is all Brian’s fault, I hope the little fucker is dead.”

The scene then faded out and all there was was a black screen with white text that said The True Death of Brian and text under it that said Family Guy is Over Forever.

I couldn’t believe what I had just seen. I turned off my TV and cried myself to sleep. The next day I asked my friends if they had seen the episode. They all said no and said that it was just a normal episode of Family Guy and not the one I had seen.

I decided to email Fox headquarters about the episode.

This is what they sent back:

Hello [censored],

We do not have any records of broadcasting that episode. It is possible that the signal to your tv was hacked. You should contact your cable provider to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

As for the episode in question, we have no idea where it came from, we do not have it in our archives. We have sent you a coupon for some free Family Guy DVDs to make up for it.

Sincerely, Fox Network.

But I didn’t want free DVDs, I wanted answers. So I went on 4chan and asked for Seth MacFarlane’s email address and they gave it to me, then I emailed Seth about the episode.

This is what he sent back:

What? No one is supposed to know about that episode! No one is supposed to know that it even exists!

I will tell you this only once, because you said that you were my biggest fan and you deserve to know the truth.

The truth is that I created that episode because I wanted Family Guy to end. But Fox said that I have to keep making episodes. I don’t know who got a hold of the episode or how they managed to broadcast it to your TV, but you have to know this:

STOP WATCHING FAMILY GUY IMMEDIATLEY. THEY ARE PUTTING SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES INTO THE SHOW SO THAT PEOPLE WILL CONTINUE TO LIKE IT SO THAT IT CAN NEVER BE CANCELLED. Have you noticed that the newer episodes of Family Guy are terrible? That they’re really really bad? And yet people still love and watch the show? That’s why. YOU NEED TO STOP WATCHING IMMEDIATLEY, YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO STOP WATCHING, TELL EVERYONE THAT YOU CAN TO STOP WATCHING FAMILY GUY. And, hopefully, it will finally be taken off of the air.

Since then I have stopped watching Family Guy, and have gotten my friends and family to stop watching it too. I’m going to post this so that everyone knows the truth and can stop watching Family Guy.

Please, do it for Brian and Stewie.

SHITPASTAS

Jump to Entry

SPONGEBOB YUMMER LOST EPISODE

GTA ONLINE SPOOKY FUNTIME HORROR

STEVEN UNIVERSE: KILL THE LIGHT

IF YOU DIE IN THE GAME, YOU DIE FOR REAL: A ROBLOX CREEPYPASTA

FAMILY GUY: TRUE DEATH OF BRIAN